…… and my body is not my own.

I would like to put a disclaimer out there for this post: it is not going to be politically correct..so proceed with caution…

36 weeks

I lay in bed and look down at my swollen legs, thinking about how I can improve circulation to my aching limbs and I notice something subtle about my round 9 month pregnant belly… it is slowly pulsing up and down on its own as a result of Lucas’ strong heartbeat.  It dawns on my that this body is no longer my own.  It is shared real estate.

Every part of me has transformed into a life growing machine. Consequently my body has turned it’s back on me.  I am now second and the precious package growing inside without a doubt comes first.  It gets all the important nutrients from everything I eat, first. My limbs are swollen and sore because my bodies number one priority is to make sure blood is first pumped to my little one… unfortunately my legs comes last.  I frequently have to take awkwardly loud and long breaths due to the fact Lucas needs room to maneuver and grow…my body no longer thinks that me breathing efficiently is that important.

I secretly wonder to myself did I choose this? There is a lot of talk in our culture about choice.  We want to choose our career, how we look, who we love, where we live, when we marry and you know if you should have kids.

I think our cultures thoughts about choice came from a well intentioned place.  In human history choice often has been a luxury that few have afforded.  Too many times choice has been stripped from persons in awful ways resulting in unimaginable evil. We have worked so hard to protect choice and many ways I am so grateful for this… but we have come to a place where we have begun to overlook the need for limits to our freedom of choice. When there is too much choice that same awful evil has room to grow…. humans have a terribly difficult job of balancing restriction and choice.

We live in community.  It is our human condition.  Every choice I make effects my community.  If I work hard, if I am lazy, if I am rude,  how I drive,  how I spend my money… these all have impact far beyond my own little life.

Having children… being pregnant for me was not a choice… it was a resultthe results of love.  I fell in love with Brent many years ago… I decided to share my life with him… to make love with him… and the results so far are two little boys.  We had no clue when this journey started if  the two of us together could make babies (we hoped) but we didn’t know.  We had no clue if conceiving would take months or years (we are so blessed to not have had trouble with this).

It is so beautiful to me that one of the ultimate results of love is life… and that in the creation of life sacrifice is required (ask any parent anywhere.. they will confirm sacrifice is required).  What a testimony of the beauty of creation.  This model tells me that the ultimate calling of humanity is not to be in control.  Not to be able to make every choice about our lives. Our bodies. About life and death or love.  But we find ourselves when we love and sacrifice for others.  

Creation is a result of the love and sacrifice of our Savior.   Mom’s and Dad’s everywhere get a chance, when the miracle of life happens to happen, to participate in this phenomena.

I know that not every baby is the result of unwavering love… but I am confident that the right thing is to sacrifice for our fellow humans. We are all worthy of sacrificial love  (Jesus thought so).

ALSO… Meet any baby… you will be able to verify that babies… that one day become big people happen to be very lovable.

So I encourage you to challenge our culture’s thinking about choice. Pray about what ways you may be called to love better and maybe even sacrifice something.



One thought on “Week 36

  1. Totally awesome! I am learning to love better in ways I never imagined. Trying to be a better mother-in-law and step back. To not step over the line of Forrest & Jennifer’s life as they journey into being parents. It’s been hard because at first I was so excited to be able to tell my friends I was going to become a grandma and George was going to be a grandpa. We were just amazed and those feelings just took over. But I’ve had to learn to step back and realize it’s not really about us, it’s about them becoming parents. As I try to bridge the gap of communication by stepping back, Forrest & Jennifer have just started to appear to WANT to share information with us. I hope they will reach out to us, and have tried to communicate that we will do whatever it is they want us to do to help out. It’s tough being a mother-in-law. I thought I was doing a good job, but found out I can do a much better job. Your posts also keep me grounded from a young person, mother-to-be perspective. Thank you for sharing. I hope you can understand what I’m trying to say.

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