Did I feed everyone in a timely manner? check. Did we successfully get out of the house? check. Did I clean something in our home? check. Did I remember to change everyone’s diaper in a timely manner? check. Did I get a walk in? check. Did my kids spend more time smiling than crying? check.
Of course my list is entirely subjective and always changing… but I find that I need this list to help me measure myself as Mom.
In our culture every role we fill is measured. In school you are graded. At work you are evaluated. But as a parent the only ones who really know how you are doing are your kids. When you have small kids it could be years until you really can determine if your efforts have made a difference in your child’s life. Plus your kids give mixed signals. One day they wake up and listen to you the first time every time and give you hugs at every turn and the next day they are chasing a kid across the playground mouth wide open ready to bite (totally happened today at the park). All these things make feeling like you are doing a good job as a parent hard.
For right now my primary role these days is Mom and Wife. I love that my family is the biggest thing that fills my life BUT I often find myself doubting my abilities and worth. I am so accustom to having consistent feedback from others in all the roles I have filled. Now that I don’t have that, I see I relied very heavily on how people said I was doing to feel good about myself… Good feedback was definitely feeding my ego.
In this season of my life as Mom I am being pushed to find my worth in Christ in a new way. The bible says to do what you do for Jesus. In the past I worked for people first and then Jesus… As Mom I am pushed to realign my heart and serve Jesus first as I serve my family.
I pray everyday that my service brings good results in the lives of my children.